Second Half of Life

I've been reading a book called Falling Upward, that is supposed to be about the second half of one's life. The idea is that the first half of your life is spent building up your ego. Investing in who you are. Creating the image you present to the world, buying things, having relationships, having a family, creating all that your ego can take credit for. Then, if you're lucky some kind of suffering occurs which causes you to see the fallacy in this way of doing, achieving, striving and you stop. You let this go and focus more on giving and direct your energies outward.

It's interesting to me because I see the value in the second half of life as the author says and I see that it would be useful for me currently, right now, this very moment. Yet when I consider the idea of letting go this idea of constructing a life for myself. Establishing my career, meeting a partner, raising children.....I can't help but desire it and see myself driven to seek it.

The question is, is it possible to do both? To live the second half of your life earlier which still building, seeking, etc. It's the age old idea of wanting your cake and eating it to. I want the freedom that letting my ego and little go would grant me, but I don't want to have to let go of the desires of my little self. I feel like I do a good job of reigning in those desires to things I see as being "good" or "healthy" but they're still desires that bring me suffering when things stand in the way or don't come out as planned.

I feel like I could pay lip service to not wanting these things, but it would be false. I would lying to try and protect myself from the suffering that will come if my desires go unfulfilled. I guess seeing these desires is the first step and I do have moments of letting the strong ache go, and moments of peace of accepting whatever comes to pass. I do truly know that I will be fine if I don't have a partner and family ever. I can accept that it isn't in the cards for me, but it wouldn't be easy or enjoyable.

I guess the author's idea is that you do the Buddhist letting go of attachments later in life after you've had the family, love, work, etc. and realized it isn't the source of happiness. Maybe it's just been driven into us so strongly to believe that this will bring joy. I know it won't be a magic bullet and that if I am not happy without these things, I will unlikely be happy with them. Maybe that's the ticket. Finding the joy that is not reliant upon circumstances, even if you still strive for certain circumstances. That seems more manageable then letting go of my egoic desires...or at least, just yet.