Emotions

The last couple days have been an emotional rollercoaster and the funny thing is that it's all in my head. It is all self-contrived. There is nothing going on externally that would lead to these rollercoaster emotions. I definitely have not been free of following them and have had a range of highs and lows but at least I'm seeing it for what it is.

I try to make things solid and final, definitive so to speak. That results in me feeling overwhelmed by the solidity of it, even though I know nothing is solid and everything changes.

I then become hopeful and optimistic and feel free temporarily of pain and suffering. I see it as just a movie I'm watching and this is the part where things get rough for awhile. Things will invariably change and swing back to the positive side again. That's the way life is.

So I'm trying to see this for what it is. Accept it and find my space within it. Letting go of blame, resistance, and fear. Just being and allowing.

It's all just one big movie show that I've been swept away in too long. This is a wake up call for me to see where I've been and where I need to go now. It's a time to work on myself and live in this hard time to prepare myself for a better time in the future. Not rushing this change, growth and suffering, just allowing it and embracing it, just as I did the happy, loving times.

I'm also trying to remind myself that nothing is all good or all bad. Everything is both. Accepting and embracing these parts is essential to life. Even in people.

People will love you and people will hurt you. No person is all good or all bad. No relationship is all good or all bad. It's about learning to embrace it all with a smile and a hug.

Trying to smile and hug!