I just had this delightful realization about why things are opening up for me. I like to think of it as little tiny cracks in the many many layers of conditioning I have built up over the last 30 years. These little cracks are just the beginning of bigger change. These little cracks are the seed and are the initial step on my new path.
In having to verbalize what is happening for me, I struggle a bit. I tend to feel self conscious about sounding too hokey or artificial. In examining this, I see a truth and insight that I have long lacked. If you speak the truth honestly and clearly, people intuitively know this and respect and appreciate it. They can connect with it and it draws you closer to them. Bonding with people has always been hard form me because I failed to speak my truth and let people see my boddhichita for fear of being hurt. Now I see that the boddhichita is my greatest gift and the way to connect and reach others. By telling my truth from the heart, I allow people to see the real me and naturally they love and connect with me because they are the same. Reaching out with my warm, kind heart and my truth, I naturally connect with the same warmth, compassion and truth in others. What a simple yet life changing idea! Allowing my true self to shine allows it to be reflected by those I interact with.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Pushing boundaries
There I nothing that makes me more proud of myself, than realizing that a boundary has been pushed, tweaked or completely overridden. It's funny because for so long these boundaries have created my world, providing me with a false sense of security and "safe" world to exist in. Yet it is only when I feel these boundaries shifting and losing their solidity that I feel strong and empowered. The false security came with the price of fear and victimization. By taking
control of my perceptions, feeling my instinctive fear or hesitancy and pushing past it, I feel an amazing feeling of strength that leads to more action, more opening and less walls and fear.
The amazing thing is that until I push a boundary, it is so layered into my unconsciousness that I don't necessarily appreciate its existence. Yet once tweaked, there is a weight that is released. The need to maintain this boundary, this lie to myself, the fictitious sense of safety that has to be constantly maintained. It's exhausting. Yet I dont feel the energy required until it is no longer required and I can feel the lightness and strength in its absence.
These aren't big shifts. To the people closest to me, they are probably imperceptible. But for me they are revolutionary shifts in the way I interact with the world. The fear of other be ones a little less. The need for protection and separation seem a little less.
Funny how something so simple can seem so brave and revolutionary. I can only smile at the shifts and be grateful for all that has brought me this insight and continue to water the seeds.
control of my perceptions, feeling my instinctive fear or hesitancy and pushing past it, I feel an amazing feeling of strength that leads to more action, more opening and less walls and fear.
The amazing thing is that until I push a boundary, it is so layered into my unconsciousness that I don't necessarily appreciate its existence. Yet once tweaked, there is a weight that is released. The need to maintain this boundary, this lie to myself, the fictitious sense of safety that has to be constantly maintained. It's exhausting. Yet I dont feel the energy required until it is no longer required and I can feel the lightness and strength in its absence.
These aren't big shifts. To the people closest to me, they are probably imperceptible. But for me they are revolutionary shifts in the way I interact with the world. The fear of other be ones a little less. The need for protection and separation seem a little less.
Funny how something so simple can seem so brave and revolutionary. I can only smile at the shifts and be grateful for all that has brought me this insight and continue to water the seeds.
Friday, February 8, 2013
The little me
Buddhism likes to talk about the ego, the self, the little I. Not an easy concept, and definitely something I have struggled to understand. Recently I've been able to see this self as a filter. This Cody I so very dearly identify with is no more solid than the air she breathes. We like to pretend we're solid because it provides a small sense of security and power. The ironic part is that it actually weakens us and causes a great deal of fear and sense of needing to protect this solid entity. When, in fact, if we could jut let the self dissolve a little, we find that true empowerment comes from abandoning this self. Realizing that there is no self to protect. No self to build up and cling to
like a security blanket. This self only alienates me from those around me and causes me to see the world as dangerous and scary. Letting the self slip away, even just an inch, allows for a little more transparency and light to shine on the truth of reality.
My self, my Cody, is a wonderful help to me and allows me to interact in the world. However, she is only a construct of memories, experiences, emotions and senses. She does not need protection and can give up her need to control or filter the world through her layers and layers of protection and fear.
This concept is so difficult for most of us to grasp. Yet it's as simple as seeing how things, people, and events change in relation to this self. Are things all truly changing or could it be that the filter is slipping a little?
Being aware of this self is the first step toward seeing through it. I'm happy to say that my self appears to be suffering some little cracks and dents. More and more layers of self appear as they are discovered by awareness. Inch by inch, little by little, the self loses its strength.
like a security blanket. This self only alienates me from those around me and causes me to see the world as dangerous and scary. Letting the self slip away, even just an inch, allows for a little more transparency and light to shine on the truth of reality.
My self, my Cody, is a wonderful help to me and allows me to interact in the world. However, she is only a construct of memories, experiences, emotions and senses. She does not need protection and can give up her need to control or filter the world through her layers and layers of protection and fear.
This concept is so difficult for most of us to grasp. Yet it's as simple as seeing how things, people, and events change in relation to this self. Are things all truly changing or could it be that the filter is slipping a little?
Being aware of this self is the first step toward seeing through it. I'm happy to say that my self appears to be suffering some little cracks and dents. More and more layers of self appear as they are discovered by awareness. Inch by inch, little by little, the self loses its strength.
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