I just had this delightful realization about why things are opening up for me. I like to think of it as little tiny cracks in the many many layers of conditioning I have built up over the last 30 years. These little cracks are just the beginning of bigger change. These little cracks are the seed and are the initial step on my new path.
In having to verbalize what is happening for me, I struggle a bit. I tend to feel self conscious about sounding too hokey or artificial. In examining this, I see a truth and insight that I have long lacked. If you speak the truth honestly and clearly, people intuitively know this and respect and appreciate it. They can connect with it and it draws you closer to them. Bonding with people has always been hard form me because I failed to speak my truth and let people see my boddhichita for fear of being hurt. Now I see that the boddhichita is my greatest gift and the way to connect and reach others. By telling my truth from the heart, I allow people to see the real me and naturally they love and connect with me because they are the same. Reaching out with my warm, kind heart and my truth, I naturally connect with the same warmth, compassion and truth in others. What a simple yet life changing idea! Allowing my true self to shine allows it to be reflected by those I interact with.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Pushing boundaries
There I nothing that makes me more proud of myself, than realizing that a boundary has been pushed, tweaked or completely overridden. It's funny because for so long these boundaries have created my world, providing me with a false sense of security and "safe" world to exist in. Yet it is only when I feel these boundaries shifting and losing their solidity that I feel strong and empowered. The false security came with the price of fear and victimization. By taking
control of my perceptions, feeling my instinctive fear or hesitancy and pushing past it, I feel an amazing feeling of strength that leads to more action, more opening and less walls and fear.
The amazing thing is that until I push a boundary, it is so layered into my unconsciousness that I don't necessarily appreciate its existence. Yet once tweaked, there is a weight that is released. The need to maintain this boundary, this lie to myself, the fictitious sense of safety that has to be constantly maintained. It's exhausting. Yet I dont feel the energy required until it is no longer required and I can feel the lightness and strength in its absence.
These aren't big shifts. To the people closest to me, they are probably imperceptible. But for me they are revolutionary shifts in the way I interact with the world. The fear of other be ones a little less. The need for protection and separation seem a little less.
Funny how something so simple can seem so brave and revolutionary. I can only smile at the shifts and be grateful for all that has brought me this insight and continue to water the seeds.
control of my perceptions, feeling my instinctive fear or hesitancy and pushing past it, I feel an amazing feeling of strength that leads to more action, more opening and less walls and fear.
The amazing thing is that until I push a boundary, it is so layered into my unconsciousness that I don't necessarily appreciate its existence. Yet once tweaked, there is a weight that is released. The need to maintain this boundary, this lie to myself, the fictitious sense of safety that has to be constantly maintained. It's exhausting. Yet I dont feel the energy required until it is no longer required and I can feel the lightness and strength in its absence.
These aren't big shifts. To the people closest to me, they are probably imperceptible. But for me they are revolutionary shifts in the way I interact with the world. The fear of other be ones a little less. The need for protection and separation seem a little less.
Funny how something so simple can seem so brave and revolutionary. I can only smile at the shifts and be grateful for all that has brought me this insight and continue to water the seeds.
Friday, February 8, 2013
The little me
Buddhism likes to talk about the ego, the self, the little I. Not an easy concept, and definitely something I have struggled to understand. Recently I've been able to see this self as a filter. This Cody I so very dearly identify with is no more solid than the air she breathes. We like to pretend we're solid because it provides a small sense of security and power. The ironic part is that it actually weakens us and causes a great deal of fear and sense of needing to protect this solid entity. When, in fact, if we could jut let the self dissolve a little, we find that true empowerment comes from abandoning this self. Realizing that there is no self to protect. No self to build up and cling to
like a security blanket. This self only alienates me from those around me and causes me to see the world as dangerous and scary. Letting the self slip away, even just an inch, allows for a little more transparency and light to shine on the truth of reality.
My self, my Cody, is a wonderful help to me and allows me to interact in the world. However, she is only a construct of memories, experiences, emotions and senses. She does not need protection and can give up her need to control or filter the world through her layers and layers of protection and fear.
This concept is so difficult for most of us to grasp. Yet it's as simple as seeing how things, people, and events change in relation to this self. Are things all truly changing or could it be that the filter is slipping a little?
Being aware of this self is the first step toward seeing through it. I'm happy to say that my self appears to be suffering some little cracks and dents. More and more layers of self appear as they are discovered by awareness. Inch by inch, little by little, the self loses its strength.
like a security blanket. This self only alienates me from those around me and causes me to see the world as dangerous and scary. Letting the self slip away, even just an inch, allows for a little more transparency and light to shine on the truth of reality.
My self, my Cody, is a wonderful help to me and allows me to interact in the world. However, she is only a construct of memories, experiences, emotions and senses. She does not need protection and can give up her need to control or filter the world through her layers and layers of protection and fear.
This concept is so difficult for most of us to grasp. Yet it's as simple as seeing how things, people, and events change in relation to this self. Are things all truly changing or could it be that the filter is slipping a little?
Being aware of this self is the first step toward seeing through it. I'm happy to say that my self appears to be suffering some little cracks and dents. More and more layers of self appear as they are discovered by awareness. Inch by inch, little by little, the self loses its strength.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
A New Year
The delightful freedom of a new year; a clean slate, a fresh start. Isn't funny how a new calendar can inspire change, and the sense of potential and promise to achieve it? Why can't we see that each new moment holds this same powerful potential. Nothing is stagnant and nothing is fixed. We can turn our entire world on its axis in this new moment; that said, we can also have our entire world turned on its axis without our consent. But the idea that only once a year do we get this new beginning is such a waste and lost appreciation for the newness of every new moment.
My New Year's resolution is to remember this feeling of freedom, this clean slate and this fresh start. To choose to live each moment, embracing its potential and allowing it to embrace me. Choosing not to see the world as stagnant and solid but flowing and changing and alive.
The only reason changes in our lives cause us stress or upheaval is that we refuse to acknowledge the constant and inevitable change that surrounds and envelops us each and every day. If we could embrace and even celebrate the constant flow of life rather than fighting against it, unforeseen changes would fail to disrupt that which is in a constant state of change.
I'm not much of a surfer but perhaps I can float with the waves of ever changing life rather than paddling so vigorously against them. Here's to a flowing, evolving and delightful fresh start, in this moment and every moment of 2013.
My New Year's resolution is to remember this feeling of freedom, this clean slate and this fresh start. To choose to live each moment, embracing its potential and allowing it to embrace me. Choosing not to see the world as stagnant and solid but flowing and changing and alive.
The only reason changes in our lives cause us stress or upheaval is that we refuse to acknowledge the constant and inevitable change that surrounds and envelops us each and every day. If we could embrace and even celebrate the constant flow of life rather than fighting against it, unforeseen changes would fail to disrupt that which is in a constant state of change.
I'm not much of a surfer but perhaps I can float with the waves of ever changing life rather than paddling so vigorously against them. Here's to a flowing, evolving and delightful fresh start, in this moment and every moment of 2013.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Your perspective
It's funny how we can hear something over and over without grasping it and then one day it just clicks. Walking down the road to catch a tuk tuk to work this morning, I had one of those lovely moments.
I've heard the old adage, "However you see the world, that is how it is" meaning that your perspective or outlook on things dictates how things are. If you're negative, then the world is a bad place. If you're afraid, then the world is scary, etc.
I feel like I have intellectually understood this saying for a longtime but this morning I felt a new, deeper understanding arise within me. As a shy person, the world has always felt to have a certain amount of threat. Whether that was learned or innate, I have always approached things with an underlying reticence. Leary of being hurt or rejected, I imbue the world with a feel of threat.
Somehow this morning I saw just how wrong this perspective is. In general, people are loving and accepting, and if they are not, it has nothing to do with me. Just by seeing the world as a loving, accepting place provides that sense of security that we all seem to seek (in various and invariably wrong ways). I don't need any solid ground under my feet because knowing that things are as they should be and people are all just doing their best to be happy and safe provides me all the security and acceptance in this world that I need.
What a delightful notion. :)
I've heard the old adage, "However you see the world, that is how it is" meaning that your perspective or outlook on things dictates how things are. If you're negative, then the world is a bad place. If you're afraid, then the world is scary, etc.
I feel like I have intellectually understood this saying for a longtime but this morning I felt a new, deeper understanding arise within me. As a shy person, the world has always felt to have a certain amount of threat. Whether that was learned or innate, I have always approached things with an underlying reticence. Leary of being hurt or rejected, I imbue the world with a feel of threat.
Somehow this morning I saw just how wrong this perspective is. In general, people are loving and accepting, and if they are not, it has nothing to do with me. Just by seeing the world as a loving, accepting place provides that sense of security that we all seem to seek (in various and invariably wrong ways). I don't need any solid ground under my feet because knowing that things are as they should be and people are all just doing their best to be happy and safe provides me all the security and acceptance in this world that I need.
What a delightful notion. :)
Friday, December 21, 2012
Stories
All the many stories I tell myself throughout the day. Stories I write, read and write again. It's amazing how much of our lives can be frittered away in a fantasy land completely built of stories.
The moments when the stories fall away is truly the only moment where I find peace. It's this moment. The stories melt away and I'm left with the present. My feet on the ground, my eyes newly opened, an awareness that is so rare yet feels so right.
Then stories about this moment arises or a questioning of it's rightness, a doubt that steals away the moment and weaves a story in it's place. So it goes, the give and take of being human. The experience we all share and yet the same experience which makes so many of us feel so isolated. Finding that connection, feeling that truth that makes us feel safe and cozy, yet brave and bold. A comfort that supports us yet pushes us to grow and explore.
Resting in the knowledge that everything is as it should be, we are all just the same despite the differences, and we are all just doing the best we can with what is.
The moments when the stories fall away is truly the only moment where I find peace. It's this moment. The stories melt away and I'm left with the present. My feet on the ground, my eyes newly opened, an awareness that is so rare yet feels so right.
Then stories about this moment arises or a questioning of it's rightness, a doubt that steals away the moment and weaves a story in it's place. So it goes, the give and take of being human. The experience we all share and yet the same experience which makes so many of us feel so isolated. Finding that connection, feeling that truth that makes us feel safe and cozy, yet brave and bold. A comfort that supports us yet pushes us to grow and explore.
Resting in the knowledge that everything is as it should be, we are all just the same despite the differences, and we are all just doing the best we can with what is.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Giving Thanks
Giving thanks for it all...especially that which is difficult to embrace. Giving thanks for the ups and downs and remembering to enjoy the ride all the while. Giving thanks for the change that comes, the new horizons and chances for growth. Giving thanks to those who challenge us and show us where we're stuck. Giving thanks to the opportunity of each new day to embrace it all with love and compassion.
How is that we only dedicate one day out of the year to giving thanks? One day to appreciate the other 364. One day to remind ourselves just how fortunate we are. To remember 364 days of life and wonder and appreciate every one for it's uniqueness.
It's too easy to focus on what is lacking, too easy to focus on loss and deficiencies. The challenge comes in finding gratitude for these losses, failures, and deficits. For seeing the opportunity they present and all that the give in return for what is lost. It's not an easy task but it is one that life will force upon us with unforeseen and undesired change. The key is being able to see the varying sides of the coin rather than fixating on the negative.
How is that we only dedicate one day out of the year to giving thanks? One day to appreciate the other 364. One day to remind ourselves just how fortunate we are. To remember 364 days of life and wonder and appreciate every one for it's uniqueness.
It's too easy to focus on what is lacking, too easy to focus on loss and deficiencies. The challenge comes in finding gratitude for these losses, failures, and deficits. For seeing the opportunity they present and all that the give in return for what is lost. It's not an easy task but it is one that life will force upon us with unforeseen and undesired change. The key is being able to see the varying sides of the coin rather than fixating on the negative.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)