Giving Thanks

Giving thanks for it all...especially that which is difficult to embrace. Giving thanks for the ups and downs and remembering to enjoy the ride all the while. Giving thanks for the change that comes, the new horizons and chances for growth. Giving thanks to those who challenge us and show us where we're stuck. Giving thanks to the opportunity of each new day to embrace it all with love and compassion.

How is that we only dedicate one day out of the year to giving thanks? One day to appreciate the other 364. One day to remind ourselves just how fortunate we are. To remember 364 days of life and wonder and appreciate every one for it's uniqueness.

It's too easy to focus on what is lacking, too easy to focus on loss and deficiencies. The challenge comes in finding gratitude for these losses, failures, and deficits. For seeing the opportunity they present and all that the give in return for what is lost. It's not an easy task but it is one that life will force upon us with unforeseen and undesired change. The key is being able to see the varying sides of the coin rather than fixating on the negative.

Sitting with It

This idea of sitting with what is, seems to me to be one of the most profound and yet one of most important lessons I could ever learn. It helps to be in a place where there is no other option but regardless it does allow me to see that all things pass. This pain, this pleasure, this moment, all pass away leaving me here in it's path.

If I can choose to sit and be with it, experience it with all the good, bad, delicious, and yucky....I can see that I none of this is who I am and none of it will forever remain. I can see my reactions, feel my reactions and let them too pass. It's never easy but it is slowly becoming habit to see and experience these emotions rather than be swept blindly away by them.

I know that I have a habit of seeing the world as a dangerous place and a source of suffering. The problem is that this view then gets reflected back at me and this is what the world hands over. I question when positive things come my way. Instead of graciously accepting them, fearing their lose and clinging to them mercilessly. Especially with love. This feeling of not deserving or disbelief that I can have something this good cause me to push it away and lose it in the end.

I have been working with counteracting these negative thoughts and views of the world. I do think it will take time and rather than regretting the past, I need to just learn my lessons and look to new opportunity.

Focus

I had this great insight yesterday, nothing new or novel but just that flash on insight that happens and reminds you that every insight needs to be rediscovered in the next moment rather than tucked away as something I already know.

I was thinking about life and all the various factors and components and how everything is constantly changing and shifting. I just realized how much I tend to focus on what is lacking in my life rather than what I have. Living in Lao I have missed family and friends a great deal and missed having a romantic relationship, yet when I go back to the states, am around family and friends and am in a new relationship, I will be wishing I were traveling or having some adventure or trying something new. We always want what we don't have and tend to focus our energy on that rather than on all the amazing things we do have to celebrate.

I am living in an amazing country, I've made amazing friends and learned a great deal. I have plenty of money, shelter, food and people who love me, even if they're halfway around the globe. Gratitude, to me, seems to be the simple act of shifting this focus from what's supposedly lacking to all that is. Focusing on what is and appreciating it for what it is.

But then again, to go even further than that, is to realize that I'm complete and whole just as I am without any need for external things at all. Accept and relishing my perfection in this moment without stipulation or adjustment, just as it is.....in every moment.

Basic Facts

Tonglen is a type of meditation and practice that encourages a feeling of interconnectedness and compassion for all living creatures. It can be a formal practice or something more applicable to daily life. Recently I've been improving my ability to do Tonglen on the spot in every day life. It's a great way to share love and joy or to help feel less alone in times of suffering or pain.

I went to the American consulate yesterday and for maybe the first time in my life had a true appreciation of how fortunate I am to be born an American. I think it's something I've taken for granted most of my life and it is easy to do so until you have the chance to see things from the other side. I sent out the amazing sense of security and gratitude that I felt recognizing how lucky I am just based on where I was born.

Later, I similarly took a moment to send out the delight of an ice cold glass of water on a hot, sweaty day, and wished that all humans world wide could enjoy that.

It's humbling to realize that simple things like a clean, safe, cold glass of water are not universally available. It puts things in perspective and can't help but grow compassion for all the people who so often due without.

If we could teach the idea of Tonglen, compassion, and interconnectedness to our children, how could that not change the world for the better in a very significant way? Just the deep knowledge that we, as humans, are all on this same crazy journey and share the same emotions, pains, and joys is enough to drastically alter the way we interact with the world. How have we become so disconnected with this very basic fact and how would the world change if we could all rediscover it?

Knowing Thy Self

I'm always amazed when I find myself learning things about the way I work. I know that it shouldn't come as any surprise, because there are so many layers of ourselves that we deny and keep hidden away but the moment of realizing habits, patterns, and conditioning of mine is always an amazing experience. It's feels like a window is opened a tiny bit more light is shed upon who I am and why I do what I do. It's amazing because it also brings with it compassion, love, and understanding. With each new pattern or habit uncovered, I feel my self-compassion grow. I see how I cause myself suffering and how easily I can release that habit just by acknowledging it, having compassion for it and releasing it.

With that same idea, compassion for all people can grow as I know every human being has patterns and habits just as I do. Patterns that cause unnecessary suffering and pain. Patterns that can be released with compassion, love, and acknowledgement.

I am not alone with my struggles or my conditioning. And neither is who I am. Habits and conditioning that have caused suffering in the past need not be repeated in the future. By seeing them, acknowledging them and releasing them, I can choose a different path. A path of self-love, compassion, and acceptance. A path that spreads to encompass as human beings who have similar conditioning, habits and suffering.

People

I ran into a friend today who is similar to me in that she seems uncomfortable around people and while we get along, I obviously do not put her at ease. While doing yoga at the gym I thought about this and thought about the comment I have made in the past about not liking people. It's interesting because like so many things, it really is not about people at all, but about my perception of them and the stories I tell myself. People scare me. I'm afraid of rejection and not being loved. Ever person I interact with is an opportunity for rejection....or at least that is the internal story behind my dislike of them. If something represents a threat to you, it's highly unlikely that you will like that thing. However, many people see people as friends they haven't met yet, opportunities to make a friend, get a date, or have a pleasant interaction. That's it. That's the difference, it's all about the internal dialogue and association you make with something. People are scary or people are opportunity. This goes for all things that I dislike. I dislike them for the way they make me feel, yet nothing can make me feel a way without my consent and usually due to my thoughts, feelings, actions.

So, it's all about undoing the conditioning that has gotten me to this point. We all have aversions and that aversion is only founded in the stories we tell ourselves about it, whether it's people, heights, relationships, mushrooms, etc. It's all about seeing these aversions clearly and for what they are and working to undo the conditioning that put them in place. If we don't. If we avoid that which we are averse to, the aversion only grows. I have found this too. The more I interact with unfamiliar people, the more comfortable I get with the unfamiliarity and even come to enjoy the experience of connecting with someone new. I think this could expand to unfamiliar groups, which tends to be more difficult.

A similar thing yet on the other end of the spectrum, is that I realized while on the treadmill at the gym that my old aversion of house music has changed since I've been using it as motivation when running. Something that used to make me feel anxious now gives me energy. It's all about our perception. And perceptions can change just with the insight that they exist.