Self Honesty

We all lie to ourselves constantly and it's difficult to see because we don't know we're lying. We tell ourselves little stories about who we are, how we are, the world around us. These lies build our world and when we do finally see them, the world becomes a little less cloudy and a little more honest.

I just realized that I lie to myself about other people and my feelings toward them. In hindsight, I idolize people or detest them. I label them as bad or good and then brush the opposing characteristics under the table. If I do this with people in my life. I obviously also do it to myself.

It's so hard to see your faults. There are so many ways we justify our actions, no matter how wrong or inappropriate. I hurt people and justify it by feelings righteous or by putting my needs/desires above theirs. I place expectations on people that they can't possibly fulfill because the expectations are based on a make-believe person.

I just realized that some of the people in my life are not who I have painted them to be. I refuse to see the truth because it negates the image I have built. Yet, if I'm honest with myself and allow the truth to exist in actions and statements, I see how wrong my pictures can be. I see how they come out of my believes, hopes and desires rather than reality.

The same goes for how I see myself. Working on brutal honesty, wishing I had someone to do it for me. I feel like it's so much easier from the outside. Yet, most people would never be that brutally honest for fear of losing a friend or loved one. Maybe we all need someone who can be brutally honest. I'm sure it would be hard but with time couldn't we learn to love and appreciate the value of an honest self-perception? I think we could.

Seeing where I lie, seeing where I hide, seeing my shadows, seeing my shortcomings. Not to berate myself but to see honestly, accept and use this to open to other people's shadows and see them more honestly.