Accepting what you're given

I just had this great insight into relationships.

You have to accept what you are given in relationships. Not that you shouldn't leave detrimental or hurtful ones but rather that if you choose to be in a relationship, friendship, etc. with someone you have to be willing to accept what they are able to give, when they are able to give it.

For example, my dad does this very well. I know he would rather have his kids living closer to home, visiting him more often, and generally in his life more. But he accepts what my brother and I are currently able to give in terms of time, love, distance, etc. This alleviates any pressure on the relationship and probably causes my brother and I to try and spend more time and energy with him.

I know I have not always been the best at this. I think a lot of my discontent in relationships in general stems from not accepting what the other person is willing and able to give. Rather than acknowledging their limitations and accepting and embracing what they can currently give and share, I rail against this "insufficient" love, time, etc. and cause suffering for both parties.

Consider how difficult it is to be in a situation where things are asked of you that you know you can't and maybe don't want to provide. What a difficult position to be in. 

I am now realizing that the only way to approach this issue is to let go of expectations and accept what is given graciously and appreciatively. If this isn't possible, the relationship won't work.

Even friendships can struggle in this way. Some friends want more or less out of friendship and when those desires clash, problems ensue.

We must learn to accept what is given with love, appreciation and acceptance both romantically and in all interactions. We can not force another to provide something they choose not to or are incapable of. We can only love them as they are and embrace what they have to share.

This insight changes the perspective from a neediness in relationships to a loving embrace and acceptance of them. Only took me 29 years to figure out.