Interactions

I have been struggling with my housemate. Not in any large sense but rather in an irritating, feeling annoyed and generally not at peace. This morning was no exception but instead of turning away from my annoyance I looked closer and tried to see where it was coming from. Like they say, usually what we dislike or find annoying in another person is something we don't accept or enjoy about ourselves.

I saw that my housemate tends to complain a lot and often her complaining comes across as blaming or attacking. I had previously read in "Men are from Mars..." that men tend to feel this way "blamed or attacked" when the woman in their life complains or is upset. It was a real eye opener for me to see myself feeling this from my housemate and how much I disliked it. I felt very put upon and a strong urge to leave or extricate myself from the situation.

Interestingly enough I know that she is just seeking understanding from me. She doesn't really blame me (as it rarely has anything to do with me) or expect me to fix it. She wants me to commiserate and understand her being upset and validate it. This is what women always want when they complain or are unhappy. They just want someone to listen, understand, and validate their feelings.

Feeling both sides of this gender issue, has been really great for me. Because my housemate does this very strongly, I see it very clearly but it also makes me appreciate that I do this as well and encourages me to look at it more closely and work with and my interactions with others. I also can see the male perspective of how grating, irritating, and upsetting this female habit can be.

It makes me appreciate the need to explore the ways the genders operate differently and perhaps revisit that book. Not that one way of being is preferable, just that our habitual ways of being affect one another and understanding both sides can only be beneficial.