Searching

I had a crazy dream last night probably brought on by stress and books I've been reading. Regardless of the cause, my mind has been frantic all day. Searching for some kind of relief. Searching for comfort. The problem is that my habitual place I use to find comfort no longer exists so instead of finding comfort, I find greater suffering when what I'm searching for can not be found.

Why does my mind do this? It knows that this comfort is not to be found and that even if it were, it would not cure the stress I am experiencing. Why can I not just see the stress, and discomfort as it is and be with it or take action to address the cause? Yoga seems to help some but my mind is relentless. Grasping, searching, longing. It's so frustrating. I try to cradle it but I feel like I'm lost in the circular pattern that just abuses myself.

Maybe it's my resistance to the suffering, to the memories, to the pain. My resistance and frustration how things seems to persist. Just when I'm feeling strong and happy, memories burst in to cause me sadness and remind me of loss. I guess it's all about time and memories weakening and letting go eventually. Perhaps it's all just a waiting game.