Doesn't Come From the Outside Anymore

The realization that the outside, the circumstances of life will never make you happy. No matter how perfect, how pleasurable, how ideal they are. Circumstances are bound to change and bound to disapoint. Perfection, itself is a myth. There is no perfect partner, perfect job, perfect life. Without the negatives, there would be no positives. Yet we all constantly strive to line our ducks up in a row in just such a way to find perfection and avoid pain. Why? Why do we do this relentlessly knowing that it won't work?

We all have our own method of doing this. Some people are seekers. Constantly seeking pleasure in food, people, money, etc. Others are avoiders, constantly pushing away that which is undesirable. Then other people just remove themselves and act indifferent to life in general.

I think we all do these to a certain degree in different ways depending on were we find pain, pleasure and what we all together avoid.

The realization that none of these actions of moving toward and away will ever bring true happiness. Finding that perfect job, partner, house, car, body will never bring the type of happiness acceptance of what is will. It's the striving that causes so much of the suffering. If we could let go of the striving and accept the good and bad of this moment, we could find eternal peace.

I think some of us know this and yet subtly think to ourselves "okay I'll accept everything as it is but I'll also just strive a little bit after this attractive person, or strive a little bit toward my perfect relationship." Why is it so hard to let go of the grasping? I know I lie to myself about it. I tell myself I'm content and that getting a new partner or another job won't fix anything. But I also see myself longing for things, people, and circumstances. It's as if, I have yet to truly accept that I already have everything I need.

Lying to ourselves. Brutal honesty. So much easier said than done. I was just telling myself the other day that I'm not vain and am not caught up in aesthetics of myself and others. But then I watch my mind when I go to the gym or when someone compliments me or flirts with me. I see my ego expand and enjoy the pleasure of being desired.

It's all about trying to see ourselves more honestly. Seeing where we're deceiving ourselves. Seeing where we're lying. Why is it so much easier to see someone elses lies about themselves?

I can easily see when someone else is getting their ego stroked and trying to tell themselves they are altruistic or it's not about them. It seems so much easier to see another person's justifications to themselves but so difficult to see our own. I guess that's why we stay stuck. It's difficult to see where you're stuck when you're in the middle of it. It's easier just to avoid the difficulties and seek the pleasures rather than take an honest look at what motivates you.