Prying

I watched a movie where a son was snooping through his deceased father's closet...looking for something, anything that connected him to his lost dad. I had an overwhelming memory of doing something very similar with my mom. Because my mom was sick before I was old enough to know her, as I grew up and missed her and wanted to know her, I would snoop through her things hoping to find a piece or clue of who she once was. I don't remember how old I was when I did this but it was definitely searching for this woman I lived with but couldn't know or understand. I remember stumbling across a love letter my dad had written her before she became ill. I think it helped me to know her a little better and see her through the eyes of the man who loved her before she became ill.

I see the direct coorelation between this snooping I did as a child and snooping I did with Garrett. It was never intended as malicious, more that I think I was again searching for a way to know him. Know him in ways I didn't feel like I could otherwise. It also is conditioned. We didn't talk about the past much in our family. I guess because my mom wasn't well enough to reminisce with my dad about positive past experiences. Something that I think builds a foundation and sense of story to a family. So the idea of asking about the past is scary and foreign.
The problem is that knowing someone comes from sharing of information, not taking of information. The connection that grows from gradually learning about someone is the value, not the facts themselves. Those are irrelevant, as they no longer exist. It's the sense of sharing, connecting, and learning about another human.