Hiding

I hide in boredom. We all hide somehow. Running away from the current moment. We all have different techniques and methods for hiding but we all do it. Some of us hide by planning for the future, being overly busy so we don't ever have to slow down and just be with ourselves. Some of us seek pleasure constantly, grasping at whatever we see that pleases us. Some of us hide by failing to engage. I seem to hide through boredom and failing to engage.

I try not to commit to things and keep my schedule open but then find my mind complaining of lack of excitement and boredom. Rather than make decisions and plans and accept whatever comes from that. I hide by keeping my free time open and then feel sad in my boredom. Truly, I should never be bored because meditation and watching my mind could occupy any free time I have. But I avoid that and push that away with a promise of future action, future work.

Scheduling is good for me. I need to schedule dedicated time (beyond what I'm currently doing) to meditate daily and more so on weekends. To get outside and enjoy fresh air. To exercise and engage with my body via yoga. Truly my days could be filled with these things, yet my mind grasps at doing something productive. Running errands, cleaning, etc. seem more productive to my mind.....and yet which will bring true happiness, peace and enlightenment. Surely the dished can not achieve that.