It's personal

Watching myself react when my ego feels personally affronted in a practice in compassion. Compassion for my ego and it's desperate need to defend itself. Compassion for all humans who struggle with this in various ways, some more than others. In general, I don't think of my ego as a big problem, I have other issues that are more prevalent, but even so, when directly offended, my ego takes no prisoners.

Recently, a colleague made comments about an activity my organization ran and was extremely negative and offensive in a number of ways. I found it irritating and frustrating but was easily able to disconnect and see his comments for what they were without needing to react or respond to cause continued suffering. However, in another email, this same person then made a comment directly insulting myself. What a difference that makes?

The urge to fight back and defend myself was overwhelming. Even as I could see it for what it was, I couldn't stop the justification that this man was WRONG and needed to be corrected. Funny isn't it. When things get personal or are taken personally, it becomes a whole different situation. I think that's why relationships are so difficult. By becoming so close with someone, partner, friend, family, the barriers come down and things get personal. Is there a way to step back from this and see that it isn't ever really personal? It's more about the person doing, saying, being than the subject of the comment, action, etc.

What I do or say to another person reflects only upon myself, the subject of my actions has no personal connection to my actions. This is difficult to remember and difficult to adapt into life. But practicing seeing the action of personalizing things goes a long way to reduce suffering. People can say or do whatever they want to me (as long as it's not physically harmful) and it's not hurtful unless I allow myself to take it personally and allow myself to be hurt. In addition to allowing the hurt, we often pile on extra suffering by berating ourselves for the supposed shortcoming.

If we can see that we are doing the best we can, are being the best we can, then that is enough.